Resist buying, focus on giving

Rethinking the stress and mayhem of the holiday shopping season

I think it’s safe to say we all have too much stuff.

We are drowning in things and constantly being told that we need more things to make ourselves, friends, family and even our pets happy. This is what it means to live in a society shaped by consumerism.

I’ve been going through a bit of a personal reckoning on this topic. It began with watching the Netflix documentary “Buy Now! The Shopping Conspiracy,” which describes how forces like online shopping, fast fashion and shoddy throwaway products have accelerated the amount of waste that we are creating and disposing of.

Having worked in marketing for a large retailer for many years, none of this was really news to me. Every time I sent out a marketing email, the goal was always the same—to get the person to buy regardless of how much they might have previously bought before. Again, this is the nature of the beast.

After watching the documentary, my heart fell further as my brain grappled with our upcoming condo move. I think one of the reasons moves are always so stressful is because we have to face all our stuff and ask ourselves some tough questions.

Why clutter matters

One of the reasons I paint is that I love creating beautiful things that go into people’s homes. When a painting finds its forever home, it’s like a missing piece that’s falling perfectly into place. It resonates in the space like the chime of a tuning fork.

This is because the things we own and our living space itself are ways that we reflect who we are back at us. It’s part of the reason why shopping itself feels so good. It’s an opportunity to reinvent ourselves from moment to moment. Whether that reinvention is a person who looks good in that new skirt or cooks astonishing recipes with some new-fangled appliance, we imagine a better version of ourselves or our life once we have that new thing in it.

But, of course, there can be too much of a good thing. All of these false hopes just begin piling up and piling up, and before long… well, you’re living in a little apartment wondering where all this clutter came from.

Those accumulated things are no longer reflecting a sense of joy or purpose; they are reflecting their unfulfilled nature.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

• It’s the yoga mat you bought as part of a New Year’s resolution, but have never used.

• It’s the junk drawer filled with random cords to devices that died long ago.

• It’s the stuffed closet of impulse-purchase clothes that you don’t love enough to wear but can’t bring yourself to get rid of either.

It’s inherently stressful to have all of that stuff that doesn’t serve us staring back at us all the time. So what should we do instead?

Step 1: Buy less stuff

One of the folks featured in the “Buy Now” documentary was Maren Costa, a user experience designer and 15-year veteran of Amazon. She talks about how, at Amazon, their entire goal was to reduce the amount of friction between the customer being interested in buying something and purchasing it. This is exactly where their 1-click purchase button comes from.

Her glib but effective advice: “If you see something you think you want, put it in your cart and leave it there—for a month. If you still want it after that time, then buy it.”

If you think about it, this is not far off from how shopping used to be before the internet. It required so much more effort to drive out to the shopping mall and physically visit multiple stores to find what we were looking for.

Now, we are encouraged by so many online stores to just buy the thing and hope for the best. While they might promise free returns, if you’re like me, more often than not, I can’t be bothered—and then the not-quite-right thing becomes clutter.

Step 2: Bring everything into your space intentionally

Right now, there’s nothing that shuts down a potential purchase for me quicker than “Where am I going to put this?”

Our 900sqft apartment has never felt more finite, and the days where I thought I could find room for one more cute pair of pyjama bottoms or some blank canvases that happen to be on sale are long gone. If I don’t have a very clear idea where the thing I’m buying is going to physically live, then I need to think very hard about whether it’s worth purchasing.

Another consideration that I am taking much more seriously now is quality. “How long will this last?”

When we moved into our current rental place in March 2020—right in the middle of the height of COVID—I was forced to purchase much more online than I would have normally. This included furniture items, many of which, I am sad to say, haven’t even survived four years of wear and tear.

Whether it’s cheap furniture, electronics or clothing, so much of what we buy is not built to last. Retailers call this “built-in obsolescence,” and it ensures that the products we buy have a finite lifespan. Once they become unusable, we’re right back to buying something new again.

Of course, those old items don’t magically disappear into thin air. They simply become trash in our landfills or some developing nations.

We will always need to get things, but the challenge is to do so much more intentionally. Plan how you want this new thing to live in your space. Maybe think about stretching your creativity by getting an older used item and giving it a fresh lease on life. Get something that has meaning and that you’ll cherish for a long time.

Step 3: Donate things with purpose

As near as I can tell, there are two types of donations:

1. Donations that benefit retailers

2. Donations that benefit actual people

The first type has seen a massive increase in recent years as companies push sustainability agendas and try to convince us that it’s perfectly okay to get rid of our old things. Fast fashion retailers like H&M encourage folks to donate their old clothes at the register because it makes shoppers feel less guilty about their new purchases. Unfortunately, as the “Buy Now” documentary shows, these clothes often end up as literal seas of garbage in developing nations.

When we donate, we want it to benefit real people, and I’m happy to say this is still possible, but it does require a little research into what’s needed in your community.

Here are just a few examples that I discovered locally as I’ve embarked on purging items ahead of our move. They all fill a legitimate need so that you know your donations will be doing some good.

• Art + Craft Supply - I went to an event hosted by this grassroots organization a couple summers ago, and I was absolutely astonished by the range of art supplies they had available. Whether you’re getting rid of old supplies or picking up new ones, these folks are worth checking out.

• Rocky View Hospital (or likely any hospital) - Being a hospital patient can be incredibly boring, and the volunteer centre is always in need of old board games, puzzles and books.

• Parachute for Pets - Got a toy your cat didn’t like or winter booties that your dog refuses to wear? Items such as these can be donated to help pet owners who are feeling the financial pinch right now. Find their complete in-kind donation list here.

While it’s always best to not bring things into your home you don’t need, there are still a lot of possibilities to help those who might need something that isn’t serving you any longer.

Step 4: Give experiences, not things

The holiday season feels like the worst time to be discussing not buying things because we’re under so much pressure to purchase gifts for our loved ones. These gifts, however, often just perpetuate the cycle of unwanted things invading our homes.

Instead why not…

• Give an annual membership to an art gallery, museum or attraction so that they can go as often as they like

• Give classes or a guided tour on a subject that they enjoy

• Give a digital subscription to a magazine, podcast or audiobook library

• Give a gift certificate to a favourite restaurant or food delivery provider

It takes some creativity to be sure, but I challenge you to find ways to avoid giving physical things this year.

Final Thoughts

This might seem like an unusual topic for Tilted Windmills to cover, but I believe that our clutter weighs on us far more than we realize. I know I feel that pressure more acutely right now because of our upcoming move, but it was something I grappled with long before as well.

I want our new home to reflect a sense of calm. I want it to be a sanctuary that fosters our mental health and creativity.

Still, this won’t happen unless I start thinking about what we bring into our home with far greater intentionality.

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Athena is currently on medical leave from creativity coaching with Tilted Windmills while she heals in hospital, but hopes to be back to coaching in 2025. You can read about her ongoing rehab journey in Athena’s Art Newsletter.

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